The Humorous Gift
by Stuart E. Jacobson, The Art Of Giving
February 1, 1987
[Webmaster's note: "The Art Of Giving" is a sumptuous work by the author of "Only The Best." In addition to Jeremy, it includes, among others, Jean-Paul Belmondo, Federico Fellini, Dame Margot Fonteyn, Harold Pinter, Audrey Hepburn, Viscount Linley, Marcel Marceau, Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, Gianni Versace, Sir Elton John, Hayley Mills, Jean Cocteau, Luchino Visconti, Leslie Caron, Sir Tom Stoppard, Dame Diana Rigg, Evelyn Waugh, Coco Chanel, Sir Yehudi Menuhin, Franco Zeffirelli and Twiggy! To quote from the dust jacket, "people's tenderest, most intimate, and most glamorous memories are tied up with gifts that they have given and received."]
Jeremy Irons to Sinead Cusack
"Part gift, part cautionary tale," is the way Tony-winning actor Jeremy Irons describes a token that he presented to his wife, the accomplished actress Sinead Cusack, a leading player with the Royal Shakespeare Company and a member of the well-known Irish acting family. The object in question is a polychromed wood figure of a woman, probably dating from the seventeenth century. The actor found it in an antique shop on Lexington Avenue in New York during the time when he was playing there in The Real Thing and Sinead was playing in Much Ado About Nothing and Cyrano de Bergerac. He thinks it was originally a wall decoration in a ship.
Says Irons, with tongue in cheek: "I have always had a fictitious lover by the name of Flossie Fluepipe whom I hold over my wife. I thought it salutary for Sinead if Flossie did not remain a wholly imaginary character -- if we had a statue of her around the house. Flossie has a strange carefree quality that makes me laugh whenever I look at her. She is a little chipped, as all good women are; she has been about a bit. A bared breast is a generous gesture, and flowers in her hair are a sign of a sort of generosity. She also reminds me of one of Canova's Three Graces in the Hermitage. She does not remind me of Sinead. One's fictitious mistress must be completely different from one's wife; it keeps the wife on her toes because she cannot hope to attain the qualities of the mistress. If Sinead sees me sitting there looking longingly at Flossie, she knows that she's in trouble."
Flossie was not given to mark an occasion. Irons confesses that when occasions come up he can never find anything, and when he buys something for a future occasion he can never restrain himself from giving it immediately. "In the main we aren't great gift givers to each other. Sinead gives me children, which is the greatest gift, and I give her the gift of my company and my conversation, which is indeed delightful especially in the early morning. I probably get the better end of that bargain!"